I haven't actually set out on this voyage I call the creative life. I suppose I am still busy packing my bags, trying to figure out what implements I might need along the way. Getting sick so early on was a clear reminder that the creative life requires a healthy body and a clear mind; self-care is essential.
I saw Cornel West, the former academic turned public intellectual, a few days ago in a film. He was talking about the examined life and how it requires courage. He quoted William Butler Yeats who said: "It takes more courage to examine the dark corners of your own soul than it does for a soldier to fight on a battlefield." For me, the examined life and the creative life are one and the same. Both require courage. Unfortunately, courage isn't something I can wrap up in a bundle and pack inside my suitcase. It is like a cup that must be constantly refilled.
I have been consistently afraid most of my life. I was afraid as the new kid every time I changed schools. I was afraid when my dad got drunk and threatened to kill himself. I was afraid when my mom had heart surgery a few years ago. I was afraid yesterday when I imagined that something terrible might happen to someone I love. I used to think that courage meant building walls to hide behind. More and more I think that courage requires vulnerability: a willingness to face the fear and remain open.
Trusting the fear to be my teacher is one kind of courage. I hope that it will teach me to be a better writer.
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