I woke up this morning feeling like shit: sick, tired, angry. I finally had to admit the truth. I am in an abusive relationship. It has been going on for a long time now, most of my life in fact. I want to end it but there is pull, this attraction. It's not so much love as obsession.
So, how does a person break free from this kind of entanglement? I have tried to leave sugar behind many times but it always calls me back. I want it even though it makes me sick. This morning I started composing a letter, a letter spelling out my intentions to leave sugar once and for all.
Dear Sugar,
I love you. I always have. But you are not good for me. I haven't had a good night's sleep in months. I can't breath. It's time for me to admit the truth: it is you, our relationship, that is making me sick.
It's hard to imagine my life without you. I love baking with you in the kitchen while we listen to NPR. I love you in coconut macaroons at Bucer's and peanut butter cups from the co-op. Some of the best times of my life have been spent with you. The holidays will never be the same. I have tried substitutes but they're not for me. I want you and it breaks my heart to let you go.
I have to start a new life without you. It's the only way to regain my health and my sanity. I will miss you. Please don't call or write. I need time and space to make a fresh start.
No longer yours,
Debbie
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